


18/21

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Motionless [23]
Category: Avengers, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Don't piss off Bucky, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Wounds heal over time, but scars remain. New memories are made while haunting ones always find a way to resurface. But by the end of the day, it gets easier.





	18/21

**Author's Note:**

> This part is…..a rather long one with swapping POVs. Italics are flashbacks and Albern is a creep, oh and there’s like a huge time skip.
> 
> I really hope you guys like this one! Oh and just so there's no confusion they are NOT married yet! Their romantic getaway at Tony's beach house was congrats to their engagement.

* * *

 

The past three months have been torture, not just for you but for Bucky as well. He hardly goes anywhere without a long sleeve shirt on anymore, even in the bedroom he makes sure that his left side is completely covered. He still sleeps closest to the door, knives and loaded handguns well within reach. Most nights he jolts up, ready to attack the intruder, only to find out that no ones there. It takes some time for you to bring him back to Earth and lay back down, even if he doesn’t sleep. He’s never told you he hardly sleeps anymore, not like he needs to, it’s quite obvious he’s not sleeping. But you’re not going to bring it up to him, he’d just deny everything and act as if nothing’s wrong, so you sadly let it slide.

He’s been spending most days down in the lab with Tony and Bruce, letting them inspect his arm. Testing what it does, the strength, what damage he can do, sense of mobility and touch. It took a lot of convincing for him to do this when the guys couldn’t get to him, they all came to you to see whether or not you’d be able to convince him that he needs to do this, that it was for his own good. It wasn’t easy and definitely took a few days to get Bucky to actually sit his ass down and listen to what you needed to say.

_ “Bucky, I have no idea what happened back there and you don’t need to tell me at all or just tell me when you’re ready. Whether it’s next week, next month or next year, I don’t care just tell me when you’re ready. But please baby, please just go see Tony and Bruce. They just want to help you in whatever way they can,” you stopped Bucky before he could say anything, “and no, that does not mean leaving you alone so you can take care of this yourself. _

_ I hate that I can’t be there for you, to help with your own progress and if you can’t do it for me, just...just do it for you.” You looked towards Bucky with wet eyes. You hated the fact that Bucky had to relive all his past nightmares all over again. You knew he was given a new arm, you’ve seen the scars, but you were not going to push him into telling you the full extent of what Albern did to him. You both had your own problems and demons to conquer and you’d stay by his side until the day you died if it meant he was getting support from you. _

_ “I...I know we’ll never be the same ever again but, but I can’t lose you again, Bucky. I’ve already lost you too many times and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go through it again. I mean, we’re both alive and we’re having kids! ‘Course it’s not the way I wanted to find out and tell everyone, but kids Bucky, we’re going to be parents. You need to be here for that, I can’t do this alone, not without you! If you can’t talk to them for yourself, talk to them for our kids, I need-” Bucky rushed in and kissed you, stopping from whatever you were going to say next, you couldn’t remember because his lips were pressed up against his. _

_ He hasn’t made this type of contact with you in weeks, so for him to do this was a relief. A breath of fresh air in a suffocating world. You were going to make sure you treasured this moment as much as you could. So you clung to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to you, just needing more of...him. His tongue grazes your bottom lip but pulls away before he could go any further. His forehead is pressed against yours, shoulders drooping slightly as you soothed out the worries with your hands. His eyes are still closed, but he doesn’t make a move to pull away. You stayed like this, wrapped up in each other, holding the broken pieces together. _

_ “I’ll...I’ll talk to them Y/N, I’ll do everything, everything they want me to do. I’ll do it for you, the kids, me, I’ll do it. Just...just stay with me when I do, please.” His eyes opened to reveal wet red-rimmed cloudy blues, “I can’t...I can’t tell you what happened, not yet. I promise I’ll tell you everything, I swear.” _

_ You quietly shushed him, “I understand Bucky, I’m not asking you to tell me now, tell me when  _ you’re _ ready. I’m not going anywhere,  _ we’re _ not going anywhere, but for now,” you brushed his hair out of his face, curling your hand over his neck, “let’s focus on getting better.” Bucky responded to your small smile with one of his own, as he leaned in to capture your lips once again before leaving you to rest while he sought out the two lab brains. _

But now you both were getting help and your lives should’ve returned to normal right? How wrong that was. Some days were longer than others. Days full of tests, getting your blood checked, bandages removed, cleaned, and rewrapped. Then came the days when you were ordered to go see a therapist to discuss  _ “Your mental status to see if you’re fit for public.” _ This was one of the situations where you wouldn’t be able to do anything, go anywhere out in public until you were cleared from your therapist. So here you were, situated on the therapists’ couch, in a pair of Bucky’s sweatpants, his favorite sweater, and a pair of Tony’s favorite fuzzy socks - who he will confess to no one - already wanting to leave.

“Good morning Y/N, and how are we and the young ones doing?” Mr. Thompson, your therapist, asked you, as he shifted through some papers. You weren’t sure, but there was something about the man that was off. He just gave you this vibe that wasn’t exactly...comfortable. Feeling uncomfortable, you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“Fine, everything is fine.”

“And you’re sleeping fine? Experiencing any pain, having nightmares, flashbacks?” He looked up at you from the desk, looking you over. You eyed him back, wondering what he was trying to get at.

“Mr. Thompson-”

“Kyle, please call me Kyle.” Ugh, that’s why he was setting off the creepy vibes. He wasn’t eyeing you like some doe who couldn’t take care of herself, but rather like a luxurious piece of meat that should be savored.

“ _ Mr. Thompson _ , as I was told, I was assigned to you to get treatment to a life event that has traumatized me in more ways than one. Now, if you’d rather stare at my chest all day and imagine what it looks like or pull your head out of your ass and actually do your job, then we won’t have any problems.” He gaped at you, frustration clearly burning in his eyes. He stood up and walked towards you, unknowing to him, you pressed the ‘panic button’ on the bracelet Tony made for you. Once you press it, it alerts one of his suits to come find you and protect you at all costs until the cavalry arrives.

“How dare you! Do you even know who I am? You are my patient and I decide what methods are best to treat you! If you ever want to get cleared to be released into the outside world, you will do what I say.” Thankfully the suit didn’t waste anytime because it came crashing into the room and advanced towards Mr. Thompson, gauntlet raised in warning.

“Please step back, sir, for your own safety.” The suit replied, well, JARVIS did.

“What the hell is going on here? We’re in a session!”

“Not anymore you’re not.” You never even registered the door opening, but Steve was there along with Tony. You were surprised Bucky wasn’t there, but you’d ask Steve that later.

“Mr. Thompson, great to see you! See, here’s the thing, since you’re working in my tower, JARVIS monitors everything. So imagine my surprise when not only do I get a report from him saying your heart rate was rising in a very sickly manner and for Y/N to use her bracelet - which I’m really excited it works by the way - only to find out what your true intentions were? Let’s just say you can kiss your job goodbye.” While Tony was giving him a lecture, Steve walked up to you and helped you back into the wheelchair, hands on your shoulders to keep you grounded.

“Bucky is staying in the Hulk containment room, Nat’s keeping an eye on him.” You whirled your head around to look at Steve.

“Why? What happened? Is he okay?” Steve smiled as he began to push you out of the office, due to Mr. Thompson started ranting and was making the situation even worse for himself.

“Let’s just say Mr. Thompson should be glad that Bucky didn’t come with. And we now know he can put a good two-foot hole in a concrete wall. Which was stupid, because he damaged some of the wires from the mere force of it. So Tony and Bruce have to try to figure out a way to fix it, but they have to wait until he cools down first.” By the end of the day, Tony found the right therapist for you, female this time, who was highly recommended by Dr. Cho. The next day, Bucky went back to check in with Bruce and Tony, but he had to make sure Steve was with him, in case he lost his temper again. It definitely wasn’t going to be an easy recovery.

You trusted Tony and Helen, but you couldn’t help but feel nervous when you were dropped off at your new therapists’ office. Steve wished he could’ve gone with you, but he had the training to do for the newest recruits that he couldn’t avoid. So Natasha volunteered to bring you. You both entered the office and as soon as Nat got you situated onto the couch, she came in.

“Hi, my name is Erica Tesla and I’ll be working with you for the next few weeks. If you want to get started, just stop me anytime if you have any questions.” You shook her hand, feeling comfortable with her already. You were very glad Tony chose her.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to start off with reading off a brief summary. Is that alright?” You nodded and held onto Nat’s hands as she began reading. You never expected this to be difficult, as she read off past events that have occurred, up to the most recent one. You remembered what the pain felt like as the Hydra agent shot you, what it felt like when you couldn’t move. Then the joy that came afterward, when Tony was able to help you walk again. Only to have it vanish again completely when you were ripped away from Bucky then ripped apart. To be tied down, helpless, cold and alone with just  _ him. _ Him and is cold, bony, greedy hands. How they ran over your skin, caressing you like the prize he always wanted. What  _ he  _ always wanted.

_ “Ah Miss Y/N, Sergeant Barnes is a very lucky man,” Albern spoke huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand down your back, “knowing you were graced with such soft skin.” _

“-! Y/N! Breathe, alright? It’s okay, you’re safe, you’re in the tower. It’s 1:30 pm, it’s 75 degrees with clear blue skies. Natasha is on your left. You. Are. Safe.” You crawled out of the horrible flashback and found yourself staring at Erica’s eyes, Nat crouching down beside you. Erica stayed with you until you began matching your breaths with hers. She smiled softly when you came back, before moving back to her chair. She wrote a quick note before speaking again.

“I think we’ll be done for the day. We made some progress, but I don’t want to put any more stress on the three of you. What I do want you to do, is to go home, eat and get some sleep. You’re taking care of three now and you’ll need all the rest you can get.” She headed over to a locked cabinet and pulled out a container of cream. “I’ve already talked with Dr. Cho and it’s safe for you and the twins. It’s a stress, relaxing cream. Rub this on your temples and stomach when you wake up and right before you go to bed. No more than two times a day though. I would like to meet with you again next week and continue our sessions.” Nat helped you back into the wheelchair as Erica opened the door.

“I don’t want you to do anything else today besides resting. If anyone else says otherwise than they would have to come to talk to me.” You really liked Erica and believed she could actually help you get through this. But there were some things you weren’t quite sure you were ready to talk about to someone you hardly ever knew. You weren’t even sure if you even wanted to tell Bucky. You knew you’d have to tell him eventually, but just like him, it was going to take time and a lot of support.

Natasha brought you up to your room and helped you get into bed, which to you took forever because you were already six months pregnant and feeling like a beached whale. “Would you like me to stay, Y/N?”

You blinked at Nat tiredly. “No, I’m good, Nat. I think I’m just going to sleep for a bit, considering these two have been kicking up a storm.” She glanced from your around belly to you, smiling fondly. A hesitant hand hovered over it, but she pulled away, that was unacceptable to you, however. So you grabbed her wrist and softly placed it on the spot where the twins were kicking the most. Seeming to sense a new presence, they kicked at Nat’s hand excitedly. The assassin let out a small surprised laugh.

“They like you, not surprised about that.” You smiled at the pleased face of your friendly redhead. If there was a content look on her face and a wet look in her eyes, you weren’t going to say anything.

“Are you excited to meet them?” Nat broke out of her trance and looked at you.

“Every day, hopefully, they look like Bucky. Dark hair, blue eyes, his strength…” you let out a small sigh, thinking of the future. Nat squeezed your hand at the mention of Bucky.

“What of Bucky? Is he eager to meet them?” Squeezing her hand back, you gave her a lost look.

“Not entirely sure to be honest. If he is, he’s really good at hiding it.” Your free hand ran over your stomach, smiling to yourself as you felt a kick hit against your palm.

“Does he avoid being around you because of it?” Nat looked as if she was going to rip Bucky a new one. You knew she had her reasons, but you also knew that he was struggling more than he’d like to admit.

“Nat, I can assure you that he is very protective over us, that you don’t have to worry about. It’s just when they first started kicking, I was so happy you know? So I wanted Bucky to experience it as well, but he jerked back saying he wasn’t ready yet. I know he loves me that he loves them, but after all, that’s happened? I just want him to be able to hold me without fearing that he’s going to hurt us. I miss him, Nat, it’s not fair.” Your eyes began to water and you cursed, wiping away the tears as they began to fall. You really hated these stupid hormones, they messed up your day to day routine. Of course, your routine was already messed up, but the extra hormones and emotions didn’t help.

Your feet were killing you, not to mention your back was sore, even though you couldn’t walk by yourself. But you were stubborn and had Steve half carry you as you “tried” to walk. All you wanted to do was talk a hot bath, eat all the food you could find and sleep. Sleep with Bucky’s arms protectively around you, by your side without that nagging fear. You began to think back to the time where both of you were happy with what you had, where you were and how everything was going. But in a blink of an eye, all of that was changed. Taken away from you. Sure you were gifted with the two precious lives growing inside you, but it wasn’t the same. Their future was almost taken away from them and if it wasn’t for the team, you would have no chance at saving them from it. You knew both you and Bucky would move past this, but at what cost? He’s gone through so much and lost so much more.

“Y/N stop that, stop that right now.” Nat’s grip on your hand tightened, giving you her stern face. “You all got out  _ alive _ and  _ well _ . Yes, there are still challenges that need to be faced, but the most important thing is that you are here. You’re both getting the best help out there, Tony’s been working hard with Bucky every day. Same with Bruce. Bucky’s in good hands and he’s been getting good results from what Tony and Bruce have come up with. And the most important thing is that he loves you. He might not have told you this, but he wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t for your support.” She brushed back your hair, placing a kiss and your forehead.

“So stop worrying and try to rest. I’ll go update Bucky on how you’re doing and see how his progress is.” You smiled at Nat through heavy eyes.

“Thanks, Nat, how do you always know the answers?” She smiled as she stood up from the bed.

“It’s my job, now sleep.” Your body, heavy with sleep sunk into the mattress, letting sleep take over with ease.

\------------------

_ Bucky’s POV _

I sat silently in the Hulk containment room, leaning against the wall waiting until it was time for them to finally let me out of here. Though, I doubted it would be anytime soon considering what I just did. I glanced down at my arm, trying my best not to move too fast.

‘Stupid, you stupid fucker, just found another way to hurt yourself. Way to go Barnes.’ I just had to go and put  _ another _ hole in a wall and manage to screw something up. Every major move I made felt as if needles were being pricked into my skin, but not in a good way. Surprisingly, the only thing that seemed to be damaged was just some of the wires acting as nerves connected to where my shoulder ended and everything else was in perfect condition. Well, besides the pieces of rubble that happened to wedge their way between the plates. Which was not pleasant at all, in fact, it felt as if someone was rubbing sandpaper across my skin.

I can see why they made this room for Bruce. Considering that I put a few dents of my own on the door. Tony’s definitely not going to be happy about that, just another thing for him to fix. Seems as if the only thing I can do now is break things. Everything I touch either breaks or gets destroyed. How Y/N hasn’t been hurt by me yet is surprising. I want to hold her so badly, but that lingering fear of hurting her with my newly gained strength that will for surely kill her. When I heard that bitch was making Y/N uncomfortable, the chance of him harming my kids and then when I heard she used her panic bracelet? That was the last straw, I lost it and tried all I could to get to her and protect her, but due to my anger episode I was locked away in here and had no choice but to wait until Steve or somebody came to check up on me. Which hopefully would be soon, because I’ve been locked up far too much for my taste and would rather not have to be alone with my own thoughts. That was never a good thing.

Thankfully, it wasn’t much longer until the lock clicked open and Steve walked in, a few SHIELD agents stationed outside. I frowned at the lack of trust that was going on here, ‘specially from Steve. The agents were watching me with smug grins on their faces,  _ that _ was something I did not appreciate. I stood up on my feet, eyes never leaving those fuckers. I looked over Steve’s shoulder and glared at them, eyeing their uniforms carefully. They had a few tasers and they all had .99 mils with extra cartridges. Their suits were pressed all neat and proper, their hair was done just right, no, it just made me want to throw up even more. But thanks to my enhanced skills, I was able to see right through their little act.

“Seriously, Stevie?” I nod towards the agents outside, “Fury must be desperate if he’s been sending  _ newbie _ agents to help escort the Winter Soldier. Or does he want me to give ‘em new faces? ‘Cause that I can do.” Steve’s stern frown, curled up into a grin.

“You jerk,” he pulled me into a hug, “apparently they’re new recruits that I’m supposed to show around. Thought I’d start off here.” Steve spoke quietly for only me to hear then stepped back and gestured towards the open door. “After you, Bucky, Tony, and Bruce are ready for you I think.”

“Great, sooner I get it done, the sooner I can get back to Y/N.” I walked out of the room and just like I predicted, one of the agents spoke up.

“Uh, Captain, sir?” Steve stopped and faced the agent.

“What is it, Agent?”

“Isn’t the prisoner supposed to be restrained? He’s a high-level assassin and should be monitored while visiting a well-respected Avenger.” Steve was about to speak his mind when I decided to make my own move. I walked right up to the agent who took a step back the more I advanced towards him.

“Stand down! Stand down or I will have no choice but to use force!” The agent pointed the taser at me while the other three pointed their guns at me. However, when I made no notion of stopping, they fired their weapons. The bullets hitting my arm, my shoulder, and abdomen, while the taser connected to my left shoulder. Their faces paled when I didn’t react at all. I stopped in front of the pale man, who tried not to shake where he was standing.

“High-level assassin? I’m the one assassin you don’t want to mess with and better be careful what you say to the assassin who happens to be engaged to that said Avenger.” I looked down to the places where they shot me and easily pulled out the bullets with my fully functioning left arm, then proceeded to watch the holes heal rapidly. “I forgot to mention, this assassin also happens to be an Avenger and someone who doesn’t answer to SHIELD. So, excuse me,” I turned back to Steve who I could tell was struggling to keep himself composed. “Let’s go, Stevie.”

I started to continue down the hallway when I stopped and turned towards the same agent as before. “Oh, I should probably give this back to you,” I handed the extra clip to him, “wouldn’t want to lose that now would we?” I grinned at him as he took the clip from my hand and proceeded to check where he placed it earlier.

“Now I’m ready to see Tony and Bruce, but seriously? That was too easy.” Steve cracked then, hand landing on his chest as he laughed.

“Ok, that was good, but give ‘em some slack, it’s only their first week,” Steve replied as we made our way up to Tony’s lab, the agents following us at a safe distance.

“First week my ass, Steve, I swear the things we went through 70 years ago was more challenging than what they’re doing now.” I fell silent as I thought back to the time of the war and what I had to go through to get prepared for it.

“Bucky stop, don’t go there, it won’t make any of this better.”

“None of this makes it any better, Steve, it just takes time to fully catch up to what’s going on everywhere else.” Steve gave me a concerned side look. “If they want to work in this type of field Steve, then they need to fucking act like it.” We stop right in front of the lab. “Because cocky guys like them, get killed and are easy targets for guys like me.” I made sure that the agents heard every single word I said. Sure, they were a bunch of overconfident assholes who think that they are the best there is, but that type of behavior could be deadly. I knew Steve understood, I just hoped the agents did.

“Let me know how it goes?” He asked before I punched in the code to the door.

“Yeah, let me know how their tour goes?” I asked him as I looked behind him at the group, who quickly looked away.

“Yeah, now get in there so you can go see Y/N.” Steve pushed me towards the door then left with the group. I punched in the code to the lab and walked in.

“Frosty! Let’s get started, we’ll run some scans, fix some things and get it all cleaned up for you.” Tony remarked as they finished setting up their station.

“Sounds good Stark, sounds good.” I got settled into the chair and just let them do their thing.

_ Readers POV _

_ “Ah Miss Y/N, Sergeant Barnes is a very lucky man,” Albern spoke huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand down your back, “knowing you were graced with such soft skin.” You suppressed a shudder as his hand continued to trail down over the bandage wrapped around your lower back, then down your thighs. _

_ “It’s a shame I had to mark up the skin this way, I’d rather prefer to mark you in a much different way, my dear,” you felt his hot breath on your neck just before he sucked a good harsh bruise onto your skin. _

_ “Omifh!” You tried to scream out, but the gag in your mouth prevented you from doing so. _

_ “Mmm, delectable as well. When the time is right, we can enjoy our...time together, for now, however, we have some things to do first.” He turned your face around and placed a kiss on the corner of your mouth, “The more you struggle, the greater the pain will be.” He pulled away and stepped to the side into your blind spot. Nothing happened right away, but when it did, you screamed into the gag as Albern took great joy in carving a knife into the skin of your back. Every so often, he’d stop and caress your skin and whisper words into your side. _

_ You struggled against your restraints, but they wouldn’t give. You were helpless in this situation and the only thing you could do was hope that this pain would end quickly. _

“Y/N! Y/N, please, please wake up! You’re not there, you’re safe.” You jerked awake when a hand gently nudged you. You scrambled to sit up, the person beside you helped you up and swing your legs over the side so you could lean forward to catch your breath. “That’s great doll, just take deep breaths.” A warm calloused hand slid across your cheek and around your neck. You leaned into the touch until you felt your head land on a shoulder. Pushing your nose into the neck, you breathed in the familiar scent. There was only one person who smelled like mint, leather, and Bucky. Sobbing in relief, you held onto him tightly.

“B-Bucky, oh-oh god!” As you felt two strong arms wrap around you, you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, so you let them go. Knowing that Bucky will be there to hold you up above the nightmares that were threatening to drown you.

“I got you doll, you’re safe with me. He’s gone, he can’t touch us anymore.” You pulled him tighter against you, taking shelter in his arms.

“But it feels as if he’s still here. The world feels like it’s closing in around me and I can’t see anything.” You felt him pull away from you and kiss your mouth ever so gently.

“Stay here, I’ll be back in a few minutes, alright?” He looked at you with eager eyes, so you nodded and watched him rush out of the bedroom and heard some doors open and closing. Not sure what he was actually doing, you forced yourself to sit and wait until he came back from doing whatever he was planning. A good thirty minutes passed when he finally came back wearing sweatpants, a hoodie, and thick wool socks, holding folded clothes in his hands.

He knelt in front of you, placing the clothes beside him. “You alright if I help you get changed? It’s going to be cold where we’re going.”

“Of course I’m alright with that, Bucky.” A small smile he gave you made you feel a whole lot better. So you sat patiently, letting Bucky arrange you however as he changed you into your own pair of sweatpants, hoodie and wool socks. Once you were ready, he picked you up bridal style and headed straight towards the elevator.

“JARVIS, could you bring me to the floor, please?”

“Yes, Mr. Barnes.” The elevator headed up towards the roof, what Bucky had planned you had no idea.

“Where are we going?”

“Not much of a surprise if I tell you now is it?” Bucky smiled down at you as he held you closer. So you rested your head against his shoulder and enjoyed the ride. Soon after, the elevator stopped and opened to reveal Tony’s floor. Why the hell did Bucky bring you up to Tony’s floor? Bucky walked past the living room, kitchen and bedroom until he was standing in front of another set of doors. JARVIS being the lovely AI he is opened the doors to Tony’s private balcony. Completely set up with layers of fluffy blankets, pillows, grapes, cheese, and crackers. It was lit up well enough to see what you were doing, but also to see the stars that were beginning to shine.

“Y-You remembered.” You were blown away at the site before you. Bucky settled down into the mass of pillows and blankets, situating you right between his legs so you could rest against his chest.

“‘Course I remembered, we used to watch the stars all the time before...before everything happened.” He tensed underneath you for a split second, but it quickly dissipated. “I’m sorry for all this happening to you, Y/N. None of this would’ve happened if-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, James Buchanan Barnes, don’t you dare.” You did your best to twist around to face him as you scolded him. “It doesn’t matter if we were together or not. He would’ve gone after anyone if it meant he had a good chance of getting you. But like you said before, he’s gone, no longer in the picture. You got to him, gave him what he damn well deserved and watched as the whole place was blown to smithereens with him underneath it all.” You ran your hand through his hair, pushing yourself up to kiss the lips you loved so much.

“Stop focusing on the past and focus on the now and what is to come. Everything he’s done up to the point he died, is gone. All information destroyed and what was worth keeping is safely put away for good. We’re both alive, sure we have more scars to bear than most, but...we’re...alive. And we have a new future ahead of us, we’re having a family of our own to look forward to.” You smiled down at your stomach, feeling them shift around, kicking against the confines of the walls. Wanting Bucky to finally experience this moment, you pulled up the bottom of the hoodie up to under your breasts and gently grabbed his smooth black metal hand.

“It’s okay James,” his eyes shot to yours when you spoke his name, “we trust you, but they really want to meet their daddy.” With slow movements, you placed his hand directly on top of where the twins were previously kicking. As soon as his hand touched your skin, the kicking intensified, leaving you breathless as you laughed happily. Bucky, however, was motionless where he sat, his hand refusing to move. His eyes, however, were telling you exactly what he was feeling. His eyes were filled with tears as they stayed locked on his hand.

“Bucky? Bucky what is it?” You were worried this was beginning to be too much for him, but when he looked at you with the biggest grin you’ve seen since your lives changed, you felt relieved.

“I can, I can feel them.” His eyes darted between your face and his hand. “I can feel their heartbeats.”

“W-What?” You weren’t entirely sure what he just said, but when he began to move his hand around, joining it with his other one, the excitement on his face only grew.

“My hand, it’s, it’s hard to explain, but I can feel their hearts beating, Y/N.” The pair of you shared a watery smile as the kicks sadly dialed down. Bucky leaned down and littered the area with kisses, smiling when he received a small kick in return. Then pulled the hoodie back down, then proceeded to litter your face with your own set of kisses. Speaking words of love and adoration with each one.

“I love your smile” kiss “your laugh” kiss “your personality” kiss “your heart and compassion” kiss, he ran his hand around your neck and pulled you into a kiss. One that was filled with love and promise. “I love you so much Y/N, some days I don’t think I’m worth it, but I’m so glad I am.”

You ran your hand through his hair, using your free hand to bring his metal one to your mouth where you kissed each knuckle, before placing it on your face as well. You closed your eyes continently as you breathed him in, feeling protected as his presence engulfed you. This moment was perfect up until your emotions decided to shoot into overdrive. He pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you as he held you protectively in his lap, as you cried into his shoulder.

“What’s wrong Y/N? What can I do to help you?” He spoke soothingly to you, you just held onto him tighter, not wanting him to let you go for even a second.

“Just hold me, hold me please.”

“I got you doll, I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’ve just missed you, missed you being around me, with me. It feels as if I can’t breathe when you’re not around me.” You finally tell him after you take a few minutes to calm down. You felt bad for telling him that, afraid that you’ll make him feel worse about himself. He just buries his face into your neck, breathing you in and touching his lips to every inch of skin he could reach.

“Y/N, the reason why I stayed off to the side is that I need to know the full extent of my own strength. I know you trust me to be around you and the twins, but I need to trust myself.” He trailed kisses up your neck and began to nibble on the patch of skin behind your ear he knew drove you wild. “And believe me doll, just having you here with me helps.”

“Alright Mr. Barnes, enough of that,” you playfully swat his face away and grab the snacks he so lovingly provided, “the little guys are hungry and there is no way in hell we are making out on this balcony.”

“Why not? I always wanted to make you hot and bothered on a balcony.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you, but you stopped him when you stuffed a few grapes in his mouth.

“In case if you forgot, we did that at Tony’s beach house remember?” Of course, you knew he remembered that day on the balcony, and the bathroom, the pool, the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom. You were pretty sure Tony had to sterilize the whole place afterward, but it was totally worth it.

“Now that was fun, maybe he’ll let us do it again.” You pecked Bucky on the lips then helped yourself to more grapes.

“Maybe, but right now I just want to cuddle with you and watch the stars with you.” Bucky wrapped a huge blanket around the both of you, food still well within reach, as you both settled in for the night of stargazing. You weren’t sure what tomorrow would bring or what the future holds for the four of you, but you were going to take this as a win. A step towards the path of healing. A step into yours and Bucky’s new future and your new life together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments keep me going! Let me know what you think!


End file.
